Vincent wasn’t quite so happy when they met later that day at the threshold beneath her apartment basement, “But why Catherine? Surely you know that while living Above, you live for us, for our dream. Your work is important to you and you are good at it, you must not give it up.”
Catherine groaned inwardly, she had known he would try to make her see his kind of sense, “I must Vincent.” she tried to convince him, “I never expected to spend my entire life as a working woman. Do you intend that I should? I want more from life than a career, doesn’t every woman?”
Vincent tore his eyes away from hers, looking down at his feet, he knew what she was driving at. He had felt it via their Bond, yet he did not know if he could dare give her what she needed, to fulfil her craving. Swallowing hard he listened as she went on, “Our dream can just as well be lived Vincent if I am here with you Below, even more so, than if I stayed Above.”
He dare not look at her, to see her eyes telling him, what her heart cried out would be too much. He knew she needed him, and if he were honest with himself, he knew he needed her too. Those weeks when she had stayed Below following her father’s death, had been perfect, and for a moment he had allowed himself to dream of impossible things. Yet even now, knowing the truth of her words he shook his great head sadly, “It is all I have ever dreamed to have you live in my world, but to have you so close, to see you every day, what will it do for us? It could destroy what we already have.”
“Yes absence makes the heart grow fonder Vincent, and believe me it has. I love you so much, and now I know the need to be with you. We are something that has never been, you told me so yourself, surely then it makes sense to be together as much as possible. People such as yourself don’t crop up more than once in a lifetime, and it is unthinkable that I should be made to live a day without you, when what we have is so precious.”
Vincent smiled, “I’ve never quite seen myself in such glorious light Catherine.”
“Then you should. Vincent you are beautiful. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, please accept that.”
Pondering on the truth of her words, feeling her steady heartbeat through their connection, Vincent knew this was no mere whim on her part. She had thought it over very carefully, yet still he could not allow it. “I can see what you are trying to accomplish Catherine. That by dropping out of the working world I will have no further grounds to prevent you from living Below in my world, and that is a reasonable assumption Catherine, yet I still think you are wrong to turn your back on it. You are good at your job Catherine, many people have been and still would be grateful for the help that you have to give, and it is unthinkable that you should deny them your compassion by burying yourself beneath the city for the rest of your life.”
“And what of you Vincent? Are you any less important that you should not partake of my compassion either. Vincent, compared to you, those people mean little to me. And all that I am to them is a good lawyer well paid for my work, surely I should be destined for greater things?”
“You could be. With promotion, you could go right to the top. I know you, you have the ability to be D.A. someday.”
“That’s not what I meant Vincent, and you know it. Do you only see me as a good lawyer?”
“Of course not. I love you more than life.”
“Then let me share that life Vincent, I want to be with you. I need you, that life Above isn’t mine anymore.”
His eyes closed, Vincent moaned softly, and opened them to look her in the eye to say, “To have you so close, to share my life, do you know what you are asking of me Catherine? I cannot be what I wish to be, and yet to have you so near would be torture to deny myself. The time we spend apart I can regain control over my members until we see one another again.”
“I’m sorry Vincent, but it is no less for me. And it needn’t be that way. I don’t want to bring you pain Vincent, I want only to love you.”
In his anguish Vincent groaned.
“Vincent, can’t you see what you continue to do? On the one hand you wish to be a man, and on the other you push away from yourself the very right that makes you a man, by denying yourself the very basic of human needs. Vincent to be a man, you have to accept the responsibilities that go along with it.”
“And I suppose you are going to tell me what that is?”
“If I wanted to humiliate you, then yes, but I don’t. You know what it is Vincent, you only have to accept it and stop pushing me away. With love Vincent we can be anything to one another that we want, as long as we have mutual trust and honesty, and an overwhelming desire to be together.”
At last Vincent began to accept the truth of her words, as he spoke very quietly, “I do want to be with you Catherine. But dare we take the risk? How far are you prepared to take our relationship. What exactly are we talking here?” he whispered the last few words, averting his eyes from hers.
Grabbing his chin, Catherine forced him to look at her, as very, very softly, her words barely audible she whispered, “I want us to be lovers Vincent.”
His penetrating blue eyes never left hers and Vincent sucked in a sharp breath as a ripple of apprehension and desire ran through his body, sending his limbs weak with longing. “Lovers?” He repeated softly, “And you think this would be right for us?” Did his voice tremble? He was sure that it had.
Catherine’s eyes sparkled with love for him, “Yes.”
For a long moment he stared at her, his heart beating so incredibly fast, his ears pounded with the sound. So much he wanted to crush her to him, bring her dreams to fruition, so much he wanted to make love to her, and his body alone started to betray his needs, before his mouth had time to utter the words she longed to hear. Pulling his cloak firmly around him, lest she see the way her words had affected him, he swallowed hard, not knowing how to reply or question her further.
“Don’t you want to make love to me Vincent?” Her words so softly spoken brought about a response that was crushing, as his answer tore from his throat, “Catherine,” he groaned mortified, “I want nothing more.” Rocked to his feet he slumped into the dust on his knees, the weight of her question too much to withstand.
One hand on his shoulder, the other beneath his chin, she turned his face to look at her, and he drowned in the love from her eyes, “Vincent, we have to move forward, don’t you see. For three years we have endured, and I know what holds you back, this beast in you, that you are convinced controls all your passions, I believe even he needs to move forward in our relationship, and I am not afraid of him.”
“Then you should be afraid, He could savage you to death.” Rising to his feet, he could no longer deny himself the comfort of holding her close to him, despite the fact that she would know for a certainty how his body betrayed him. A deep ache had infested itself within his loins, and a hunger for her had erupted within his soul.
“No, Vincent, that side of you would never hurt me, for he loves me too.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
“Vincent what does it take to convince you?” Pulling away from his arms she searched his eyes, they mirrored her own desire, and she’d felt how she had affected his body too, “I don’t want a life Above anymore. I don’t even want to be in this city, now is the time for me to move on. If not for loving you Vincent, I would probably have gone to live in the country or the mountains by now. I’ve had enough of city life.”
“And you really mean that don’t you, I can feel within you this certainty.”
“Yes, and I meant the other things too. I want us to share a life together Vincent and I am offering you the chance of happiness that you deserve. Don’t be afraid to take it Vincent. Don’t be afraid to want it. What you and I have is enchanted, some people dream of what we share and never find it, it is unthinkable that we should waste precious time apart when we could be together. Unthinkable.”
Vincent nodded. Slowly Catherine was breaking down his barriers. Once he would have endeavoured to re-build his defences rapidly, now he knew there was no need. She was right of course, he had always known she was, and whenever he had convinced her otherwise the satisfaction he should have felt was always long in coming, always he felt as if he had betrayed himself. Gently he put his feelings into words, “I do....want to make love to you Catherine....” He faltered. His limbs felt as if someone had taken away his bones and filled the cavity with jelly all of a sudden, and he found it impossible to continue. Catherine smiled, reaching out a hand to lay deliberately high upon one thigh, “I can see that you do.” She teased, sending a bolt of blazing desire through him, though he tried hard to dispel it, and sighed, “There’s no hiding anything from you is there?”
“That you want me Vincent.” she whispered huskily, “That I want you, here, now, anywhere. God! I need you so much.” She groaned as the ground seemed to drift away beneath her feet and she shuddered with her longing, almost embarrassed at her inability to contain herself before him. Never had she allowed herself to openly desire him so, allowing him into her mind and heart via the Bond in such a way, and never had she felt so utterly ready for him within his very presence. Her eyes blazed into his, the longing so obvious that Vincent was unable to turn his sight from hers, did not want to do, did not know how to do. His very body seemed to have become detached somehow, and he found his arms reaching for her, drawing her close, his lips down to her own, his mouth fastened on hers, as his body ground into her, feeling the instant response as she imitated his movements.
Groaning he ripped his mouth from hers, turning his face away to hide his shame, his words torn from his lips, “Catherine, we can’t do this. I can feel him, he wants you as much as I do, I can’t allow him, I can’t.”
Grabbing his shoulders, Catherine begged him, “No! Its not him, No, Vincent can’t you feel it, if you have a beast inside you, then I have one no less, feel it in me Vincent, my need is crying out to love you. I cannot stop this Vincent and neither can you, so let your beast and mine partake of each other Vincent, while you and I become the lovers we were destined to be.”
Her words stunned him, her need frightened him. He could not be what she wanted him to be, her body betrayed her, just as much as his own did for him, he needed space and lots of it, and he needed it now!
“Catherine, it is impossible, already we have begun a journey I am not prepared to continue, I cannot. It goes against everything I have convinced myself of and we have forsaken the friendship we already had by embarking upon it. Things will never be the same from now on Catherine, always this will stand between us.” His voice racked with pain filled her, froze her to the core and as her eyes opened wide with disbelief, she whispered, “What are you saying Vincent?”
“We must finish it, Catherine. It is too dangerous. I can no longer fight myself, and I can see now that you will always offer a temptation beyond endurance. It can never be!” His words flung at her, his chest heaving, he turned his eyes from her own, repeating softly, dejectedly, “It can never be,” as turning from her, he fled into the shadows hearing her call, “You will never convince me Vincent, can you any more convince yourself? I think not Vincent.” she cried as loud as she could so he’d hear her, then via the Bond her heart whispered, “I think not Vincent, I think not”, as her trembling body sank with dejection to the dusty floor, and she sobbed as though her heart would break.

Working through her month’s resignation, Catherine’s mind really wasn’t on her work, and Joe was concerned about her, but said nothing, believing that she was thinking about her future, and she was, though not in the way she had hoped.
Since that day Vincent had run from her, she had not seen him, and when she had tried to contact him via their connection, she found to her distress that he had closed it off very firmly at his end. Void of thought or feeling, she did not know what to do with her life anymore, only that she would continue to work out her notice and take it from there.
If she and Vincent really were finished, she would leave the country, perhaps immigrate to England or Australia, and try to start a new life for herself, without him.
Yet try as she might, she could not go just like that and so as she completed her final day at the office, she made up her mind. If he wouldn’t come to her, then she would go to him, at least to say Goodbye to those Below if nothing else.

Walking through the familiar tunnels later that day, her mind was in turmoil. The desire with which she had driven Vincent away no longer troubled her. In this instance absence had not made the heart grow fonder, but neither had it been out of sight out of mind, for her mind had thought of little else. Vincent, Vincent, Vincent, her mind had screamed day in, day out, wanting nothing more than to be with him. Yet that was all she craved now, to feel his arms around her, holding her, fusing her body into his, one being, one life, one heart. Nothing more nothing less.
Rounding the corner into the last stretch towards the home chambers, she caught sight of him, striding just a head of her, and her heart leapt. He felt it, though he had closed down on the Bond. Having her so close, her feelings broke through, the force staggered him by the intensity of love that steeped through him, and he turned in an instance to see her there, her name bursting from his lips, “Catherine,” as a feeling of intense longing accelerated through his body.
Keeping her voice light, almost as if nothing had happened between them, she continued to walk towards him, “Hello Vincent, are you well?”
Instantly his guard was back in place, “Yes, and you?”
She reached his side, “Yes.” Suddenly there was nothing to add.
They looked at one another for long moments, there was so much to say, yet the words for neither of them would form. So much each wanted to do, yet unable to offer. Catherine wanted only to slip into his arms. If only he would open them to her, but he did not, could not, for fear his racing heart would once again fester into a situation that he could not run from. Not down here, not in his world, where so many people were around to witness it.
More for something to say than anything else, Catherine heard herself asking, “Is Father in?”
Vincent frowned, “You are here to see Father?”
“Yes, is he in?”
“I believe he is in his chamber, I don’t know for a certainty, I was just coming home myself, from work in the lower tunnels, hence all this dust.”
He brushed the dirt from his clothing, finding himself asking her, “I’ll walk with you to his chamber.”
Catherine shrugged, “As you wish.”
Her indifference grieved him, and he could find nothing more to say, as they walked side by side in a silence that lacked affection, though every inch of them screamed out to hold the other’s hand, as they walked along. Very much aware of one another, they both sighed with relief when they reached the security of Father’s chamber, and smiled as one as the old man turned in their direction.
“Catherine!” Father cried, coming to meet her with his arms outstretched. It was all Catherine could do not to break down and cry, “How good it is to see you my Dear. Will you stay for supper?”
Watching Vincent’s retreating back, as he headed for the bathroom to shower, Catherine heard herself say “No, Father I cannot, I am here only to say goodbye.”
Vincent stopped in his tracks, his head jerked round to face her as Father cried out, “Goodbye! Cathy? Whatever do you mean?”
“I’m leaving New York Father. I’ve left my job, and I am going to England to begin a new life for myself.”
“To England! I don’t understand. Vincent said nothing to me.” Turning to face his son, he looked from one to other of them, as Catherine went on, “That’s because Vincent didn’t know. And obviously he has not informed you that our relationship is finished. There is nothing more to hold me here,” she shrugged, “So I am leaving.” She added feebly, holding the ever present tears at bay.
“No!” a sudden roar tore from Vincent’s throat, as his eyes filled with tears, and he found himself striding towards her, to gather her into his arms and crush her against him, “No.” he sobbed, “Don’t, don’t leave me.”
Slipping away quietly, Father left them, his heart heavy. That the two needed space was more than obvious, and he would only be in the way.
“I thought you wanted this Vincent.” her voice barely audible, a spark of hope flared within her heart.
“You know I didn’t. I love you. This past month has been hell for me. I thought I was coping, but then seeing you again just moments ago, my heart flipped with such hope that I knew I was wrong to believe I could live without you. Oh Catherine I have missed you so much. Forgive me. Forgive me?” He groaned, burrowing his face into her hair.
Snaking her arms around his neck, Catherine leaned her face wearily against his shoulder, and sighed, it was like coming home after a very long and arduous journey, still it had not resolved anything and he knew it.
“I love you Vincent, but can we go on? Is there a future for us if you won’t accept what we have to be to one another?”
Looking deeply into her eyes, he wished to sink himself within the emerald depths and never re-surface. He shook his head sadly, “You know the way it is Catherine. I cannot be what you need me to be.”
“And I cannot continue with things the way they were. I have finished with my life Above Vincent. I am prepared to live here with you in yours, but to do that I need a commitment from you, if not now, then something, anything to give me a hope for our future together.”
“I cannot give that confirmation Catherine, neither can I be what you want me to be. Hear me Catherine, I cannot be your lover!”
“Just who are you trying to convince Vincent, me or yourself. For you will never convince me. Why does your heart deny what your body betrays. You want me Vincent Wells, and you can’t deny it.”
Vincent moaned weakly, his whole body sagging low into a chair, “I must, I must.” He groaned.
“Why? No don’t tell me, I’m sorry Vincent, we are just going to go round and round in circles over this. I love you, I need you, and I am prepared to give up everything to be with you. I want to love you, to make love with you, to marry you, to have your children...”
Vincent’s head jerked around sharply at her words, seeing the honesty in her eyes, as she continued, “to be with you till time indefinite, but if you can’t accept that Vincent, then I cannot be with you, or anywhere near you. We have to sever this friendship Vincent and we have to sever it good, or it will drive me insane.”
“I think I have already driven you there Catherine. You want my children!!! Look at me Catherine, Look at me! Can you stand there and honestly say, you would contemplate bringing into this world others like me!”
“Yes.” Catherine swallowed with difficult. Why did he always have to take things the wrong way?
Sensing her feelings he lowered his gaze, “ I do not understand you Catherine. Neither do you understand me, know what it is like to be me. To be destined to this life, a prisoner to a world that can be only half a life, shackled to a body from which there is no life. And you want to give up all there is of life Above to live in this cell with me! To forsake the sunshine, the colours, the ocean, the mountains, all the things for which my heart has yearned. If you want to turn your back on the very things which I would love to see just once, then Catherine you are already insane.” His words ground to a halt, knowing not, what else to add.
“Then there is no future for us Vincent. Once perhaps we could have taken this friendship to time indefinite, even forever,” she shook her head sadly, “but not now. Never now.”
He looked at her, long searching moments, he had to ask, but dared not, still he had to hear her say it, “Why. Why not now?”
“Oh Vincent, why are you so intent at dragging every last vestige of the obvious fact from me? It is so painful Vincent do you not know it?” Sighing as he said nothing, she continued softly, “Vincent, since the last time we saw one another, since that day, all those feelings, the intensity of those feelings, the words, the love, the, the, kiss, the way our bodies moulded together without conscious thought, everything Vincent, everything. Nothing can ever be the same again without going forward from that space in time, and if you are honest with yourself you know that as well as I do.”
“And you knew as well as I do, that to force this situation would destroy us, destroy all that we had. We took a risk, it failed and we lost everything, even as I said we would,” his eyes looked haunted almost piteous and Catherine sagged wearily into a chair.
“Then that is it Vincent, finito. For I cannot go on as we were, and not touch you, not kiss you again. It will always be there between us. To remind and taunt us, we are finished Vincent, and so...” She exhaled deeply and rose to her feet, “It is as I came here to say... Goodbye. Be Well Vincent.”
A crushing weight bore down on his heart as he sprang forward to grasp her receding shoulders in her exit, “How...” He roared, “How can I be well, Catherine, you have destroyed me. My heart is broken. If you step through that doorway and sever our relationship then you leave me as dead. I need you Catherine, if only as a friend.”
Turning to him, her head shaking from side to side, the tears coursing down her cheeks, she refused him, “You don’t know what you ask of me Vincent. Once I could have enjoyed celibate love with you, once I asked nothing more than that, and you gave it oh so beautifully, but what you ask now is impossible, for I know how much it destroys you to deny what I so much want to give. I offer you myself Vincent and you slap me, I offer you my body Vincent and you refuse me, I offer you everything I have and you deny me, what more is there Vincent, what more is there? If you want my life you have that too, for a certainty your refusal to let me into your world has destroyed the life in me.”
Standing facing him, her breath coming in rasping sobs, Vincent could only drop his hands to his sides and glare at her. “I don’t want you to go out of my life.” The words burst forth of their own accord, “but I cannot, cannot allow you to live here with me. To forsake all that you can have Above to be with me and neither can I have you here with me and not go forward.”
“Then what is there for us Vincent? We seem to be getting nowhere fast.” Her misery engulfed him, so that he had to turn away, and Catherine tried one last time, as she reached for him, turned him to face her, letting her barely audible words whisper, “Let me live with you Vincent, don’t be afraid to want it. I need a home and that life Above is not mine anymore. I want only to be where you are. I want only to love you.”
“No!”, his mind refused to acknowledge the truth, as a deep seated fear stole through his veins, “It can never be!” Still he clung to the words like some lifeline, believing in their intensity, knowing only that to stand back, apart from her he would retain some sensibility in this ever swirling whirlpool of emotion that forced to choke him.
“So be it Vincent. By your own mouth you have spoken, may you never live to regret it. Goodbye.” Running then Catherine fled, through the tunnels, the tears stinging her eyes. She should never have come, should have remained Above while she was strong enough to leave. Now she could never leave. Trapped in a snare of her own making, she would live through her days in the city Above with the bitter sweet knowledge that at least some connection to him no matter how slight was better than no connection at all.
The difference was now she belonged no-where, neither in his world or her own, and for once in her life she felt caught between worlds, with no home to call her own.


To be concluded in part three.